Raising Godly Children

By Shmuel Birnbaum,  Congregational Leader of Yam Ahavato, Bat Yam, Israel

My wife and I have been married for 34 years. Our first of five children was born almost 32 years ago, so that means we have been parents for many years, and we should be quite experienced.

The subject is so vital and yet so intense. While I don’t claim to be an expert, I do want to offer my thoughts on the subject of raising godly children. There are so many keys.  Here my top seven!

1. Be an example of integrity
   

We must model godliness if we expect our children to follow. Teaching what we do not live, will never work.

Of course, it is surely true that even our best efforts will sometimes fail, however, we should be appropriately honest and transparent with our children. They need to see sincerity and integrity in us as well hear our profession to holiness.

1 Corinthians 11:1

“Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ.(Messiah)”

2. Make your family a priority

Our lives are busy, and it is easy to push the needs of our children aside. I have read many stories of children, sometimes even in ministry families, who have grown up feeling neglected. “Spiritual” or ministry matters came ahead of them, and this ultimately caused resentment for the work of the Lord. It goes without saying that something like this should never happen.

I have vigorously fought against this, and have tried to make the spiritual environment of my home the priority in my life, regardless of what my main profession in life has been.

 Scripture says that “Children are a gift from the Lord.”

Once, our family took a train trip to Florida, and we had to board at Penn Station in NY in the morning rush hour. People saw us with three young children (then) and stared at us as if we were from another planet!  Yet, my wife and I delighted in our little flock. We were advised to limit our family, but knew better! Soon, our family grew to five children.

I hope that through the years, we communicated that they were and are very important to us, and indeed a priority.

Psalm 127:3 

            “Behold, children are a gift of the Lord,

           The fruit of the womb is a reward.“

3.   Take the responsibility for the upbringing of your children

Once I a heard a man remark, “People spend more time training their dogs than their children.”  I found this both funny and sad.
While I do not believe life provides guarantees, we can help or hinder our children in the development of values and habits from an early age.  Clearly, children cannot be expected to grow up and develop discernment between right and wrong without their parents’ training.

It can be a great temptation to allow others to take this responsibility from us. Praise God for the many blessings the Body provides for our families, whether it’s believing Messianic school, believers’ camps, the Shabbat school or the youth groups. Yet, these are to be supplements and not replacements for the home.

Deuteronomy 6:6-7

“These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.”

4.  Make your home a godly refuge

While our children will, undoubtedly, be faced with numerous temptations and influences outside the home, I believe that the home, itself should be a safe, warm haven where God is honored.  We should be careful to monitor the entertainment that enters our home, including television, Internet, or music. It is still ideal to teach our children to develop good reading habits (A bit archaic, I know). Although we may not always be able to control what our children are exposed to outside the home, inside it, we can.  Our homes should be places of holiness where God is honored.

Leviticus 11:45

       “For I am the Lord who brought you up from the land of Egypt to be your God; thus you shall be holy, for I am holy.”

5.  Fear not to discipline

Allowing children to grow up in rebellion will bring them a curse and suffering all their lives. Children who are taught, at an early age, to respect and submit properly to authority will enjoy God’s blessings. These will come back to their parents at a later age and thank them for their love and courage.

May God give today’s parents the wisdom and courage to teach our children that wrong and rebellious behavior costs far more than it pays.

Of course, we should never forget that our children are also very unique and should be dealt with individually with much prayer. A good friend always reminds me, “Rules without relationship breeds rebellion.” Our close loving relationship with our children will provide the proper environment for training and discipline.

Ephesians 6:4

        “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Proverbs 22:6

         “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

6.  Above all keep in prayer
   

Obviously, prayer should be at the top of the list. However, I have also learned that prayer should not be an excuse for not obeying God’s principles. We should not ask God to do what we are not willing to do.  Praying is a huge investment!

We can teach them truth, demonstrate godly values, and lead them, but the final work of the heart is between the child and God.

Someone jokingly said that God has no grandchildren, only children. So, throughout our assignments as parents, we should be, above all, intercessors for them. 

We love our children and want God’s best for them. When we bring them before the Lord, we gain further insight as to what His plans and destiny are for them. We do not want our love to become mixed with any personal agendas. Prayer helps purify our own hearts regarding our children. We want to release our children to God, to allow Him to reclaim and do what He wills with them.

There is also the prayer of correction.  Many of us have made numerous mistakes with our children. Thankfully, we also have a loving Father to come to. Only He can complete what we have failed to do and correct what we have mistakenly done.  There may be consequences to our sins and mistakes, but the wisest thing to do is to place everything in the hands of our loving Father.

Philippians 4:6

 ”Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”

James 5:16

    “The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.”

7.  Understand that we are building a godly heritage and a legacy

I believe it was the Holy Spirit who showed me that much of the strength and godliness in our children did not come as a result of anything I had done. My children are fourth generation believers (on my wife’s side). Whew!

Should this discourage us, if we are pioneering as believers?

No, it should bring us hope that we are restoring godliness to our Land, and building our own godly heritage that will bless future generations.

Deuteronomy 7:9

         “Know therefore that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God, who keeps His covenant and His loving kindness to a thousandth generation with those who love Him and keep His commandments.”

*  *  *

Recently, I had the privilege of administering at one of my children’s weddings. I, perhaps, was more nervous than anyone. I wanted to do a great job – a perfect job.  It was, indeed, a wonderful and blessed wedding.

However, on the way home, I was aware that I had made a few glaring language errors. I cringed, and began to despair. Then, I reflected on the matter, and realized that my performance at the wedding was very similar to my performance as a father:  I have tried my best, but my best has not been perfect. I have made mistakes, and yet, God has always been there in my weakness to make it all okay. Praise Him.

My sincere prayer is that He would give each parent, grandparent and educator great strength and courage in the wonderful journey of raising godly children.

-The End-

*NASB95–all quotations are from the NAS95 version.

Shmuel Birnbaum, shmub777@gmail.com

This post is also available in: Hebrew