If you’ve ever gone on a family vacation in Israel, you have, undoubtedly, witnessed, first-hand, the dynamics of “an Israeli family.” While one can never paint an entire group of people with one broad brush, there is surely a significant segment of the Israeli population which fits into this category.
Imagine – you are in a fancy, five-star hotel, trying to relax in the plush carpeted lobby when you are confronted by screams, shouts, cries and kids running all around you at the speed of lightning – parents nowhere to be found. For these children, it’s as if they are totally footloose and fancy free in an outdoor playground. There are no boundaries, and nothing is off limits to them. Where are their parents, you ask? They could be outside, enjoying a swim in the pool, not far away or possibly even in the same lobby, but they have managed to turn off their supervision antennas, paying no heed to the sounds of their rambunctious kids. What is transpiring is, for them, totally normal and totally acceptable.
Of course, this picture may not be solely endemic to Israel, but in our country, it is not unusual. Today’s parents are putting much less emphasis on child supervision and discipline as preceding generations did, and it’s showing in everything from lack of manners – simple words like “please,” “thank-you,” and “excuse me,” to a child thinking that they are on equal footing with their parents, able to argue every point. It is no wonder, then, that parents often prefer the “negotiation-style” technique where discipline is avoided, preventing the parent from dealing with a screaming/whining child who feels they’ve been short-changed by mom or dad who “owes” them whatever it is they are demanding.
It is, therefore, worth examining the way this generation of parents relates to child discipline, supervision and the general education of their children concerning socially accepted norms of behavior.
From a biblical standpoint, corporal punishment (spanking) is not only encouraged, but it is suggested that failure to execute appropriate discipline is not only a sign of improperly loving your child but also not seeking the best for them. (Proverbs 13:24 – If you refuse to discipline your children, it proves you don’t love them; if you love your children, you will be prompt to discipline them. – New Living Translation)
Many experts on child rearing suggest that a well-disciplined child who is given boundaries is one who also feels love and security, because setting boundaries clearly shows the child that you are providing a mechanism of protection for them, and a sign of love is always accompanied by the desire to protect from harm. This could extend to limiting certain television programming or films, because the parent is trying to protect their still young and vulnerable child from seeing inappropriate images which could adversely affect their choices and skew their thinking or it could also extend to deciding where a child goes and with whom they spend their time. Once again, a caring parent will do their utmost to protect their child from becoming tainted by a world which falsely tries to suggest that reckless actions don’t necessarily produce tragic consequences.
The scriptures suggest that children need constant supervision and definite boundaries. Left to their own devices, they will almost always choose wrongly – “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.” – Prov. 22:15
Of course, there is no doubt that this constant monitoring and overseeing requires a great deal of effort, consistency, determination, strong will and perseverance on the part of the parent, but for those who are willing to invest the time and hard work demanded to produce well-disciplined, obedient and respectful children, the rewards will be well worth it as others take notice that you, as a parent, “did something very right” in raising your child.
In fact, scripture also suggests that the behavior of one’s child is a direct reflection upon the parent – “Children who mistreat their father or chase away their mother are a public disgrace and an embarrassment.” – Prov. 19:26 – NLT; “ …a child who is not guided is a cause of shame to his mother.” Prov. 29:15(b) – BBE (Bible in Basic English).
Yet, while many may believe that this is sound and sage wisdom, other parents make a case for the argument that children must be given the right to freely make their own choices, to be disciplined without spanking and to be able to “explore” their creative side with as much freedom and lack of boundaries. This line of thought suggests that children who are given more freedom and fewer rules are able to develop in a superior way to other children both physically and mentally since their choices are not made by force but rather by personal choice.
One Internet forum on the subject of child rearing says:
“When parents and teachers set rules for their children, they decide their daily activities, their friends, clothes and much more. Children can’t do as they want. They don’t have their own choice. Most of the things that they do is their parents’ interest – not theirs. The consequence is that children hardly can develop confidence in their work. Without proper confidence, no one can have success. Those children who develop under many rules and pressures, always need help from others. They can’t make any important decision for themselves, because they are never let free to take decisions independently. Last but not least, children get confused if we make many rules for them. They do according to what we want, not to get rewarded and to be a good person, but only to prevent punishment.”
We want to hear from you. What do you think? Are rules and biblical charges outdated and no longer relevant for this generation? Does our present world call for more modern measures which allow for more freedoms and less restriction of our children or do you feel that despite the changing of times, classic advice is still the wise choice? Let us know. Send us your comments and opinions to principal@makorhatikvah.org so that we can publish your responses on our website.
This post is also available in: Hebrew